depression

since last semester i have been depressed, but it wasn't until late november that i was able to label what was wrong. by that point the depression had had a negative effect on my grades and there was nothing that i could do to improve them. i went to a few meeting with a counselor at the counseling center before i left for the winter holidays, but then i was home and with family and thought that i was 100% ready to return and get out of academic probation. then, my first day of classes, i got really sick and was out of commission for 4 days and i fell back into it. it wasn't until i had gone 4 days (later on in the month) without talking to anyone, truthfully without leaving my room, that muzz and mom decided that enough was enough and they came up to help me turn this around.

at this point i do want to say that i never once had any thoughts of harming myself or anyone else, but it was still a very dark place to be.

they came, were here for a week, and when they left i had some structure, was getting more help, and thought that i could pull myself out of this. i haven't been successful and for the past week and a half the phrase 'take a leave of absence' has been running through my head. so i finally decided that that's what i am going to do.

i am currently withdrawn from meredith college, am in the process of packing, and being on my way home. i'm excited about it too. i view this as a time to get a job, take a few courses at hcc, and, most importantly, figure myself out, who i am, what i'm doing here, that sort of thing. i'm happy in the knowledge that i finally know SOMETHING that's right for me, and this is. mucholuvoh everyone!