nostalgia

whenever there are more than three members of my family together, it's a party. but most especially when some are from out of town.

tonight, after all the kids had left, my grandmother, a couple of aunts, an uncle and i were sitting around reminiscing. and, as most reminiscences do in my family, they centered around the carnival. in the midst of it my grandmother asks my uncle (who has that title by marriage) if the fact that we were a carny family and all the work he did helping out while courting my aunt was ever a deterrent. of course he said no, that it was an adventure that he enjoyed most minutes of.

but that made me realize i'm never going to have that. without getting into the whys and wherefore's, a year and a half ago the carnival life, my family's living heritage, was stripped from our backs. and, among other things, it's just sinking in that i won't have those memories of putting my someone through that contest/adventure. and it hurts. all of the sudden i found myself with silent tears rolling down my cheeks at that realization.