home

is a fabulous thing.

except for my time spent in raleigh, i have never known homesickness like a felt in canada. working the fair circuit in canada was absolutely the hardest thing i've ever done. the first city i worked was in calgary. i ran a crazy bike which is a game where you have to ride a bike ten feet. the trick with the bike is that the steering is opposite, so you steer the handle bars to the right, the wheel's going to the left. most days there's a ten o'clock work call for eleven o'clock opening. work until midnight thirty or one o'clock, turn around and do it all again. until sunday when it's free pancake breakfast and you have eight o'clock call after closing seven hours earlier and the crowd is so massive that you're fighting them to get the joint open. i have literally worked my ass off; in the six weeks i was gone i've lost ten to twenty pounds. it's been great. not only for my figure but also for my self-esteem. i have had more guys flirt with me than i ever thought i would. oh, and south african men are absolutely gorgeous. NAME is the corporation that supplies all the rides on the midway and they get there help from south africa and oh my goddess bless. mmm mmm mmmmmmm. scrumptiousness everywhere you turn.

anyways, if i don't stop i'll start drooling on my new laptop. that's right, that's what i got out of the deal, a brand new laptop and an 80G ipod. not a bad six weeks worth of working. but i'm glad to be home. i'm exhausted. i hope the past six weeks has treated everyone else justly.

as a woman's perogative...

i have changed my mind about plans for the summer. instead of keywest i am going to canada, leaving as soon as possible. my dad has a friend who runs the canadian fair circuit and we are going to help him out for at least the month of july, maybe even through to the end of october/november. it's very exciting. i'm a bit nervous (i haven't worked a game since i was 15?). but there's the possibility of making a thousand bucks a week. that's good money. and i'm excited.

anyway, i need a bed. ciao!

nostalgia

whenever there are more than three members of my family together, it's a party. but most especially when some are from out of town.

tonight, after all the kids had left, my grandmother, a couple of aunts, an uncle and i were sitting around reminiscing. and, as most reminiscences do in my family, they centered around the carnival. in the midst of it my grandmother asks my uncle (who has that title by marriage) if the fact that we were a carny family and all the work he did helping out while courting my aunt was ever a deterrent. of course he said no, that it was an adventure that he enjoyed most minutes of.

but that made me realize i'm never going to have that. without getting into the whys and wherefore's, a year and a half ago the carnival life, my family's living heritage, was stripped from our backs. and, among other things, it's just sinking in that i won't have those memories of putting my someone through that contest/adventure. and it hurts. all of the sudden i found myself with silent tears rolling down my cheeks at that realization.

certainly not darfur but...

a question for the masses:

is it possible to kiss someone not related to you and it not be romantic/sexual in any way?

i'm not talking a peck on the cheek or a quick smooch on the lips. i'm talking a longer-than-necessary slight-tingling-in-the-lips kind of kiss.

i have a guy friend that i spent the day with a while ago. he's a cute one, love him to death, but i've never been all that attracted to him. yet, for whatever reason, there was more than one moment that day where i had the intense urging to lay one on him.

i asked my dad that night about it (usually i don't ask my dad's opinion about such things but we were both tired and he was driving home and i didn't feel like dying that night) and he had the suggestion that maybe what i really wanted was a way to express the profound love i have for my friend. that there was nothing sexual in it.

i like that idea. but i don't know if that's really the case.

so back to my original question: is it possible to kiss someone not related to you and it not be romantic/sexual in any way?

get back to me as soon as you can.

hello again

well. it's been a long time. i believe that last time i wrote anything i was still in raleigh, in the midst of packing. that is no more. i have long been home and am more certain than ever that it was the right decision for me.

since i've been home i have been fairly busy, namely in getting a job. i am a lab tech at ritz camera in the mall. that basically means i develop pictures. i haven't taken any summer courses but do plan on starting at phcc in the fall. in the mean time, when i'm not working, i am visiting family (i plan on visiting some in the keys for 2 weeks in july), reading, taking pictures of my own (which will soon be uploaded), and making more crafty projects for me to do than i will probably ever get done in my life. i have also reconnected with a few high school friends and have been spending a little time with them.

but enough about all that. i have an acquaintance through this blog whom i've been emailing and we had a conversation a while back about how annoying and boring it is when people's blogs are devoted entirely to the inconsequential meanderings of their lives. who cares what the cute thing your pet did is? another first date for the records? get in line. talk to the world about stuff that matters, not your thoughts on the paris hilton crap that replaces headlines of darfur in the media.

and with that thought in mind i will do my utter best to follow suit.

Book of Shadows

so, whenever i thought of starting a book of shadows i always pictured that it'd have to be perfect. and i knew that if i was trying to keep it perfect that i would obsess over it and it would get to the point where i would spend all my time trying to make it look "right". so i've decided not to start out with the big tome that i'd want to pass down through the generations. i'm going to start small. they sell these moleskin booklet thingys at borders that i've liked for a while, i'm going to buy a pack of those and just begin with them. then, in the next few years, after i've saved money and know exactly what i want, i'll get the perfect BoS and transfer everything. that way i can start having everything in one place and not worry about how it looks. of course, knowing me, i'll probably still obsess a little anyway.

photo 1 pics

.great-granpa e.j. gordon's crystal ball.

.don't know which shot i like better.

.smb atrium ceiling.

.haha.

.sad sam and ms. spider.

.sad sam hiding in the bushes.